Strip everything away, ’til all I have is you
Undo the veils, so all I see is you
I will pursue you, I will pursue your presence
Growing up in a traditional church setting, I was raised with a lot of structure in a weekly church service. Everything from how people dressed, to where they sat, the order of service, what pastries were served, etc. Personally, I take a lot of comfort in knowing what’s coming next and I’m so appreciative to have had two parents who worked very hard to ensure that the spiritual foundations of our lives were secure. I grew up in a home that loved the Lord and that even though hymns may have been predetermined and prayers typed in order for everyone to pray in unison, there was a passion to please Him. There was a desire to make Him proud. The roots of these practices stirred a hunger to seek more throughout the years.
To no one’s avail, I have spent the better part of my 31 years trying to live in a way that I have been taught is how “real christian’s” live. That is, the things I thought, the things I said, the things I put into my body, the way I dressed, were all areas I paid extra special attention to in the hopes that I could graduate to the next level of Christendome. In order to be a “real christian” I knew I had to have only pure thoughts, speak only words of love/truth/respect (no swearing), recite any part of the bible, no drinking alcohol, no smoking, eating only to satisfy, and wearing conservative clothing so as not to draw attention anywhere but to my personality. In addition, it was imperative that I only associate myself with other believers, as well as adhering to the 12 commandments. At least, that was my understanding.
Please don’t get me wrong, rules are good and guidelines help secure boundaries. Without them systems fall apart, and people ultimately lose their way which is why the Bible was sent for us. Unknowingly, though, in only focusing on rules and regulations, our society has put christianity in a realm that most people want no part of. Many people today see people who say they’re christians who wear the “Jesus face” on Sunday and then see them in the store or workplace engaging in behavior that is not condoned in the rulebook they’re accustomed to seeing. Even worse, believers ignore each other outside the church setting avoiding the gaze of a brother or sister. Thus confusion and the confirmation of why they want no part of the whole christian world ensues. Afterall, there’s enough judgment in the world without christians thinking and acting like they’re entitled to it.
That’s probably what led to my whole struggle with calling myself a “christian”. Having seen and experienced the wrath of those who “don’t quite add up” to the expectations of maintaining a christian lifestyle, I found it much easier to to walk away at my first opportunity than to continue on the road of dead ends. It beame more and more apparent that I was putting more energy into fitting into some kind of club than a community of believers. Those who know me, know I don’t use the terminology much anymore at all. I don’t spend a lot of time focusing on words that define me, I recognize that as an adult and now a mother that it is more important that all who know me understand that I am a follower of Jesus. Where He is, that’s where I want to be.
I’m not sharing this to make a declaration but rather to bring to the forefront what I believe Jesus wants the focus to be anyway. Our love for Him and each other, and our work in His ministry alone. The Bible lays out for us the ways in which we are called to live, in walking out our day to day lives as an act of worship, and everything else falls into place if we are obedient. What I’d really like to do is shed light on what is most important and draw attention to some things I wish I would’ve known long before I endured it! I’m willing to admit that I have been through a lot in my journey and, because of my understanding of being a christian, I always felt the need to hide or cover up many of my shortcomings because I knew they wouldn’t be acceptable. In fact, there are still “christian friends” today who still don’t have anything to do with me because of choices I have made in my past. However, what I love about Jesus is that he already knows everything and to Him I’m pretty special.
Open my eyes, Search me inside…
One thing He’s taught me over the years is daylight. Bring everything out. All of the little things that I forgot about or really didn’t want anyone to know or memories I wanted to forget, everything has to come out into the light. In order to live free of the bondage of the past, it’s important to be vulnerable enough to pull everything out so God can clean out those corners and closets. Giving them light lessens their strength over me and my future. There is nothing so horrible that could ever keep me from His love. Never. Ever. There is truly freedom in the Sonshine.
Another thing He has taught me is that I’m me for a reason. While I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up, I am ok with it…now. I spent a fair amount of time planning my future only to find that while I didn’t end up where I planned, I appreciate His plan so much more. He has taken me in all my sarcasm, rough edges, weight issues, foul mouth moments, and failures and has still been able to continue molding me into who He’s called me to be. Sometimes I see it physically and sometimes I feel it spiritually. There are times when I am really not proud of who I am or even who I’ve become and I find it difficult to believe that God can still love me after some of the same mistakes I’ve made repetitively. I will never know why but I know that He does. He loves me and He thinks I’m beautiful. While I don’t agree personally (I’m working on it), I speak that truth over my life/heart daily in an effort to remind myself of who I am in His eyes. His truth is the only one I want to hear and not the americanized version.
I think what’s important to understand is that if we aren’t after the Lord’s heart as a society in our everyday lives, we will have to answer to that at some point and soon. Christianity aside, following Jesus means taking each other as we are, scabs and all. It means casting aside labels, judgments, and preconceived notions of who you believe some to be. Believe me, you don’t know. If I could share anything with unbelievers I would say first of all that I’m messed up. I make mistakes every single day. I have to make a choice every single day to follow Jesus and while I’m happy to do it, it doesn’t mean that I don’t fall down all the time. I am a major screw up. But I love the Lord. I love Him and everyone’s journey with Him is different and I don’t ever want to be the reason someone doesn’t find their way to Him.
I can’t live without your presence…
Honestly, I can see why so few young adults are attending church these days. I get it…at least I think I do. In conversations with people in my age group I find that we are all on a mission to find what’s real. We want the real thing and not just the Sunday morning version. Being and seeing Jesus in the streets and learning how to live in a world that is currently so demoralized that it’s no wonder churches cannot maintain attendance is what most people are really hungry for. It’s like a new age of education. It’s the learning and practical application. It’s all about having a place to refuel and fellowship but also learning how to refuel, build, and fellowship in the real world. In other words, if you see a brother or sister struggling offer help or prayer. Yes, in public. If they’re ok with it, lay hands on that person with a friend and plead the blood of Jesus over the situation. If you have a few moments at your desk before a big meeting, spend some time in worship and prayer so God can be the first one in the conference room and not the agenda.
I am not at all suggesting that the church as an institution needs to vanish. In fact, I’m saying the opposite. There has never been more of a need for the church then now, today. There has also never been more of a crucial time for believers to be believers in ALL areas of their lives, putting all of their trust in the Lord they worship every Sunday. It’s awkward and uncomfortable to worship in public and pray for people outside the safety of the four walls of our churches, but believers and non-believers alike need to see the “real church” at work in the day to day. People need to see our struggles as humans and that even though we struggle all the stinkin time that we still love each other and that God still loves us very much regardless of the sin. We have to be living, breathing examples of what it looks like to follow Jesus in the current times. That while we may stumble, we are constantly in pursuit of God’s heart and are seeking His will and purpose for our lives on a moment by moment basis. I want to be able to trust that if I’m having a rough day and in need of some prayer and I run into a friend at the grocery store that he/she might be willing to pray over me then and there to lift the burden of the day off my shoulders so the enemy has no further influence on my day. I want others to be able to count on me in their time of need regardless of what they look like, what they’re vocabulary might sound like, or where I might find them. I don’t want to be known as another judgmental, hypocritical christian. I want people to be able to look at me and see the very heart of Jesus in the middle of my humanness. I want people to feel safe to be all of themselves around me. I want to feel like it’s ok to not have all the kinks worked out in me before I can reveal my full personality. We all should have such abilities because at the end of the day not one of us is more divine than another, unless you’re a modern day Jesus in skinny jeans.
I guess what I’m really getting at here is I just want to be real, I want the real from others, and I want the real Jesus. I don’t want anything except the authentic. I’ve seen the sugar-coated, souped up, religiousfied, club rules version and I’m not interested. I’ve seen what can happen when believers start making criteria in order to “belong” and I feel strongly that the Jesus I know and love is not interested in spiritual hazing. What would it look like if we were honest with each other about our struggles, fears, and sins? How might the church be influenced if we were a movement who actually moved out of the comfort of our Sunday morning chairs to perhaps a bible study over lunch at Hy-Vee during the work week? What if we physically became the hands and feet of Jesus and ministered to people where they were in their darkest hour offering love, hope, and peace rather than wait for them to come back around. What if we waited with them until they were ready to come out of the darkness? How would things change in our society if we could just be real with each other?
2 Corinthians 5:19-20
The Message (MSG)
16-20Because of this decision we don’t evaluate people by what they have or how they look. We looked at the Messiah that way once and got it all wrong, as you know. We certainly don’t look at him that way anymore. Now we look inside, and what we see is that anyone united with the Messiah gets a fresh start, is created new. The old life is gone; a new life burgeons! Look at it! All this comes from the God who settled the relationship between us and him, and then called us to settle our relationships with each other. God put the world square with himself through the Messiah, giving the world a fresh start by offering forgiveness of sins. God has given us the task of telling everyone what he is doing. We’re Christ’s representatives. God uses us to persuade men and women to drop their differences and enter into God’s work of making things right between them. We’re speaking for Christ himself now: Become friends with God; he’s already a friend with you.
