Inbetween Doors

Bless the Lord Oh My Soul

Oh My Soul

Worship His Holy Name

Sing Like Never Before

Oh My Soul

I’ll Worship Your Holy Name

“Nehemiah “arose in the night” and “didn’t tell anyone” what God put in his heart to do for Jerusalem. This is a prophetic statement about how the Holy Spirit works in our lives to restore and perfect us. I have found that it is in the dark times (night) of our lives that the Lord begins to “arise” and shine His spotlight on our brokenness in order to make us whole. But in these night seasons when He is doing the most work in our lives, we are often completely unaware of it, or we think it is the devil. We must discern the difference between Holy Spirit’s searchlight, which assesses the damage done to our walls in order to rebuild us, and the accusations of the evil spirits, which point out our weaknesses but have no redemptive value whatsoever.” Spirit Wars, Winning the Invisible Battle Against Sin and the Enemy ~ Kris Vallotton 

I have to be honest, over the last few months I have had significant diffculty in discerning whether what I was going through in my own very dark night was because of the enemy or because of the Lord doing a work in my life. As it turns out, it was and is both. We’ve often heard that we know we’re doing something right if life feels like its walls are crumbling. In my case, I found that hard to believe because that would mean I was doing all kinds of right and that just couldn’t be true! The struggle I experienced was not familiar and seemed to have been kicked up a couple notches from attacks I’ve known in the past.

“One of the pivotal truths I have learned through my journey is that we are new creatures in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17), and therefore our battles in life are never with our old nature.” Having always struggled with discernment, there were many circumstances where I found myself questioning “Is God trying to tell me something here or am I thinking too much into things again?” For example, whenever one of my parents would leave for a retreat or a conference I would worry like crazy until they were home again. I always had this horrible feeling that they weren’t going to come back or something terrible was going to happen to them. Seriously. It was a fear that kept me up at night and always on my toes during the day. Then there were other times when I just knew something wasn’t right and would act on that instinct, which actually spared the lives of my parents who would’ve died in a snowbank had I not done anything one very cold, scary, winter’s night. Now, as an adult, I find that I still have similar conflicts, though not to the same extremes.  As a new creature in Christ, I find that the battles I face become much more complicated and intense. While temporary, the enemy is desperately grasping at whatever he can find to throw at me because, he is an “equal opportunity destroyer”.

In my last post, I talked about how I had retreated out of fear and feeling cut off at the knees with the swiftness of the blows. Fear is a very dangerous thing and is even the root of many deaths in our nation today. From a spiritual standpoint fear, of any kind, is a sin and a very powerful tool of the enemy. I’ve heard it said, “God closes one door and opens another, but it’s hell in the hallway”. God deliberately led Jesus to the desert and Nehemiah was called to rebuild the walls. Both were given specific assignments and both had the opportunity to jump ship. However, both Jesus and Nehemiah were obedient to the task and as a result they triumphed and God promoted them. While I would never put myself in the same basket as Jesus and Nehemiah, I oftentimes wonder if everything seemed so dark for so long because I was being held in my own hallway waiting for the door to open. I have to hope anyway…

Whatever may pass,

 and whatever lies before me

 Let me be singing when the evening comes

One of my greatest mistakes during this time was my silence. While I felt like I was being silenced, I was by no means required or forced to practice it. Because I didn’t know or really understand what was going on I assumed whatever it was was due to something I had done and I was ashamed. Therefore, I thought I needed to work this out with God on my own and figure out where I went wrong. Alone. The enemy loves nothing more than to squelch our song and keep us isolated from other believers. Afterall, he does his greatest work when believers are caught unarmed with their defenses down. What I lost sight of was that while I was maneuvering my way through the dark night, I still had thousands of reasons to worship and while I did worship, it was sometimes out of my selfish desire to just hear His voice in response. Thankfully the Lord knows my heart and is ridiculously patient with me, even in my silence.

While sometimes it’s frustrating to me that there is no “point of arrival” because of my need for task completion, I am more than relieved that that is not the case when we’re talking about God.  I am so very thankful for His grace and mercy, that for some reason shows up new every morning…for me. I am also grateful that God can see right through my actions or inaction to my heart.  With as frustrated as I get with myself that I haven’t gotten it right yet, I would happily choose frustration over serving a god who reigns in fear any day of the week. In other words, Bless the Lord Oh My Soul…

“He has said to me, ”My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake, for when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

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