I’m All You Need…

I am the Lord your God,

 I go before you now.

 I stand beside you

 I’m all around you

 And though you feel I’m far away

 I’m closer than your breath

 I am with you

 More than you know

In my last post I shared a little bit about the journey I’ve been on over the last few months. I didn’t purposefully devulge personal details of my life to entertain or to give anyone an in depth perspective of what has taken place, but to get it on paper or on screen… To give it life or a voice in an attempt to put the pieces together. So much is still a jumbled mess that lies around on the floor of my mind, but it is my hope that in processing aloud more pieces will find their way to each other.

One of the pictures the Lord has given me over the last weeks is that of an anchor.  While I’m familiar with what an anchor is, as well as its functions, I failed to see the application in my life. I know that one of the anchors primary duties is to hold the ship in place so it won’t drift. I know that it is built to be heavy in order to bear the weight of the vessel and is shaped in such a way that it will sink to the very bottom of the body of water, grabbing onto whatever it needs to to stay in place. I know these things. What is new information to me is that there are two types of anchors: permanent and temporary. A permanent fixture (or mooring) is often referred to as an anchor. One definition of a mooring is “Elements providing stability or security”.

“I am your anchor in the wind and the waves…”

I’m pretty sure my interpretation of an anchor was of the temporary variety, that when the waters got rough I knew I’d be ok because I had my trusty anchor safely affixed to my vessel. If I needed it. If. Not when. Don’t get me wrong here, I don’t look to God to just come save me when the winds blow. He’s not like a punch card that I pull out to use when I need his divine intervention and tuck back away just as quickly. At least, I never intended to. I didn’t mean to use Him or anyone else as my temporary anchors, but I believe that I have. That, I believe, is what he meant when he showed me that picture. He showed me this because He’s wanting and needing to be my one and only permanent anchor to provide all of my stability and all of my security, all of the time.

“I am the Lord your peace, No evil will conquer you, Steady now your heart and mind, Come into my rest…”

It was many weeks ago when the Lord and I had a conversation which wasn’t unlike many others where He’s asking, “Are you ready?” and without even asking I say, “Nope” and move on. However, this particular conversation I felt His confidence in me and like I could really trust that whatever that question entailed I could handle it so this particular time I responded, “Yes Lord, I’m ready. Whatever it is, I am yours”. To be honest, I kind of felt like Nehemiah and like maybe I needed to prepare for a “big build”. While that may or could be true, I should’ve prepared more for what the enemy was going to do or at least kept my eyes open. Like Nehemiah, the enemy moved in as soon as I said “yes” and in greater ways than I have ever experienced before. Unlike Nehemiah, though, I didn’t recognize it as the enemy. I didn’t recognize it at all and that’s what became so frightening to me.

One of my favorite authors wrote, “Feeling fear is not itself sin, but yielding to the intimidation of God’s enemies in an effort to preserve himself would display a lack of confidence in the Lord.” The enemy bullied, intimidated, and threatened me into a corner before I even knew what was going on. Out of fear I retreated, not even realizing that in doing so I was telling the Lord that I didn’t trust that He could protect me from the terrorist of my soul. It wasn’t intentional and I struggle to think that perhaps I have failed yet another test. Afterall, Nehemiah passed with flying colors even without the Lord passing him a note to tell him what’s coming. He was able to see through all of the enemies schemes. And to think God allowed such tests to occur to strengthen His servant. Does that make me a failure?

I don’t believe so… Not because it’s me but because the God I know does not set us or me up for failure. In fact, I’m starting to see that perhaps God was showing me why He is the only one that can be my anchor. He is the only one who is able and wants to be my steadfast. It is only by His power and protection that I’m even here today and not swallowed up in the shadows of the darkness. I wouldn’t have appreciated that concept just months ago. And perhaps for good reason. God’s timing is always perfect. It’s always just in time and in the most specific way. I don’t know where this is all going or where the end result will leave me, but I guarantee it won’t be without my mooring.

“Come to me, I’m all you need. Come to me, I’m you’re everything…”

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